Not so much

Well,
It would seem that I’ve been slow in putting a new post up. Ok..really, really, really slow. The older I get the more I see how quickly time slips away from you. I would have hoped by now I would have learned how to manage my time better, but not so much. I get up, enjoy some silence before the kids get up and then we’re off! It doesn’t look to slow down anytime soon. I would have thought giving up cheerleading and not playing football would have allowed for other things, but not so much. I guess that’s the procrastinator’s theme “not so much”.

I have learned to appreciate people in my life. While I love my kids, I feel like I’m not doing a good job on the adult companion side. Maybe it’s because I tend to reach for those who are slightly out of reach. Maybe it’s because in the five years since my divorce, I’ve learned to enjoy being the chief bottlewasher and decision maker. Who knows? That however, is not why I’m learning to appreciate people more.

Over the last year, 3 people I’ve known have passed away, 2 after long illnesses and 1 very suddenly. The common theme for them all is that I had an impression very shortly before their death I should go by and visit. I unfortunately didn’t take the time and missed my chance. I wish I could go back and change it, but once their gone, your wishes are just that.

Not so much. It should never be an excuse for not making time for people who mean something to you. Even if it’s just a passing thing, go. Even if all you wish for is not so much, don’t let it keep you from adding a moment of relationship in a flurry of activity.

Absence makes the GOL!!!!! seem fonder

Ok…well, maybe it doesn’t make the goals any better, but for the last couple of weeks I’ve been really busy. Part of that busy was sitting around on Saturday watching soccer. Of course the ENTIRE rest of the world calls it football, but we know that football involves really big guys smashing into each other. But I have been busy.

I’ve got this colleague who thinks that if we talk about the world cup and haven’t mentioned it previously, we’re being pretentious and false. I kind of have an issue with that. Why can’t I care about soccer once every four years? Why is it wrong to get my son to chant USA! USA! USA! as he’s walking out of the church right before our hearts are crushed by an epic cross kick that goes in for a draw? I don’t find anything wrong with it. I only show I care about Olympic sports once every four years and no one complains then.

I looked for a good stock photo of soccer players. I don’t really have one because soccer isn’t on my radar most of the time. I love football (real football with helmets and pads) and I follow hockey, baseball and basketball. I really like football though. Soccer at the world cup is different though. It’s more intense. It’s more patriotic and at some level, a part of my childhood.

I spent a number of my childhood years in Germany and over there, soccer is like football over here. People are kinda crazy and passionate about their local teams. During the World cup, they are rabid. The first memory I have of the world cup was seeing it on a german television in a local restaurant. What I saw was mesmerizing. They were literally pushing and shoving and nearly coming to fisticuffs over that stupid ball you weren’t allowed to touch with your hands (unless you’re the goalie). I think I remember some blood and it was fabulous!

I haven’t really gotten that feel for the world cup since then until this year. I just watched what appeared to be (I have to say that because I don’t want to be accused of disparaging and ‘honest’ soccer player) bite another guy on the shoulder, but the one who responded with an elbow got in trouble. Silliness, but that’s the excitement of world cup. You NEVER know what sorts of physical violence you’ll get to see. And then there’s the fans…

I dress up as a clown from time to time and that make up is not pleasant in the best of circumstances. When it’s outside, in the blazing sun, in the amazonian jungle…OH MY! that’s uncomfortable. Then you add the colored wig to represent your nation and shirts and such and everything else and you have full on rabid fan bases. I don’t think American’s get the depth of passion that soccer fans have for their teams. We’ve heard of the hooligans and such, but I’m talking about the normal guys. They LOVE their teams!

 

Anyways, it’s been a couple weeks, but I’m so glad I touched base. I’ll let you know how the rest of the world cup goes (unless the US wins…and then I may not be emotionally able to express myself).

Vacations end abruptly

So…I left the beach today. Before I left, I saw a suicide prevention tweet from The Bloggess. She tweeted “@TheBloggess: #depressionlies Don’t believe the lies. You are needed. Worldwide suicide hotlines & suicide survivors forum: http://t.co/iEpdksljPi”

She is one of my favorite writers because she’s so honest about her life and she aims (at least in my mind) to prevent suicide. The tweet was a bit prophetic of my day. On the way to my next destination, I talked to someone close to me where suicide was broached. Problem was that this person knew what I was doing to try to keep them holding on. It made it very difficult to just listen and try to offer that last piece of rope. At the end of the day, the person went to the ER and got help.

I stopped off to visit a friend. The discussion was very similar in content, but not so desperate in tone. I am grateful that both of these people feel confident enough in their ability to trust me to talk. I hope that each of you has someone like that. If not, please use the resources listed above. Another resource is TWLOHA.

This is a personal thing for me. I don’t want anyone to think suicide is the only viable option. Please know that someone values who you are. Reach for that last rope and get help if you need it.

Can’t we just stay here?

Today is my last full day on vacation. It’s been a good one, other than yesterday’s vertigo spell. Proud day though as my kids learn to overcome fears and challenges. I’ll just let you see them overcoming fears today
.

No Man’s land?

Today started off a little rough. Dealt with a bit of my vertigo and unfortunately no meds to help. I was able to sleep and take care of most of it and allergy meds work too. Kids had fun at the watermark with their aunt though.

This evening, I decided it was time to go and take some pics of the kids by some dunes. It was a nice, fairly deserted spot and I thought a good place for pics. It was and I got some good ones. What made me a little sad though was how much trash was on the beach.

Why can’t people go somewhere, enjoy nature and clean up after themselves. The above picture shows a little of what I’m saying. It was such a pretty part of the beach, marred by the human ‘touch’.

Even with the human touch I got some good pics and I’ll leave you with those:

Red Flag warning day

So….I made a promise to my so before we cam on vacation that I’d take him to play golf. Mind you, I’m not a good golfer by any stretch of the imagination. He just wants to play. I figured the best way to start was the driving range. My daughter also decided she’d like to go. So I’ve got two kids who’ve never held a golf club on a driving range. It’s going to be ok, right?

I’ll be honest, I didn’t have much hope this would go well. My daughter does competitive cheer. My son plays baseball and is looking forward to football. I tried to explain the proper way to hold a club and swing. My son basically goes at the ball like he’s hitting a baseball with similar results. He takes his eye off the ball and whiffs. After a while though he finds a groove and tops the ball regularly.

My daughter on the other hand swings like she’s using a sling blade cutting grass. I think when I told her how to address the ball, she would have had better luck with a pen. Then, I tried to get her to move her feet back a little so she could get a could get a good angle on the ball. You’d think I asked her to turn her head around backwards. Needless to say, she didn’t seem to enjoy the driving range. She did make a good photographer though.

It was a good day to be on the course though. Got a phone call from work and it felt really good to say I was at the golf course. Red flag warnings at the beach also kept us out of the surf. The kids made new acquaintances at the pool, so all was good. Overall, red flags kept us out of the danger zone. I’ll leave you with one more picture of today’s fun.

No wonder I’m tired after vacation!

So…I think I finally figured out why vacations wear me out. When I go to work, I’m in an office by myself. I work in relative quiet with the occasional background music on. When I get home, I’m running kids here and there and then to bed to start all over again.

Vacation is different. I’m trapped in a new place surrounded by people who expect to be entertained. We are at the beach and that’s not enough. We need entertainment. My youngest is easy. He loves water. A couple hours at the beach and then a couple hours at the pool and he’s good and now asleep. My daughter, like most teens/ pre-teens, completely unsocial and content to state at the screen.

My oldest boy though. He requires constant entertainment. He’s not content to just sit around and relax after a few hours in the sun. I’m a red-headed introvert. I need some quiet, shaded quiet time or I become a not happy dad. Thank goodness for grandparents!

Maybe tomorrow I can rest on my vacation. If not…maybe I can at least vent a funny story. We’ll see…

Life doesn’t run on my schedule.

Today we headed to the beach. Things started out well enough. We were packed and ready to go on time. Our mini-caravan of vans headed out just a few minutes after our proposed time. I should have known it wouldn’t be as planned. Right after we pulled out of the driveway, someone from the church needed to talk to the lead driver. We stopped for about twenty minutes. Off we go again….for five minutes before the lead car saw the kid selling donuts at a four way stop. Five more minutes later we were on the road.
Everything went fine until we made our first stop. We ate lunch and then got back on the interstate. First traffic jam. 30 minutes later and with no sign of the purpose of the slowdown, we’re on our way again. We go good another two hours and stop again for gas. Good to go, no problems with gas acquisition. Back to the interstate again where apparently, traffic jam number two was required. 30 more minutes….and then we are able to merge into the right lane and drive 30 miles an hour for 10 miles for repaying on the first real day of summer travel. Fortunately, Lil Jon and me were good to go to ‘Turn down for what?!?’
What should have taken no more than six and a half hours turned into a nice ten hour drive. Earlier in life, I would have been a ball of rage. Now I’m older and hopefully wiser with three kids. It was all worth it to see my youngest run around like a monkey being introduced to the jungle when he saw the ocean for the first time. Sometimes we’re so much in a rush to get where we’re going, we miss the awesome at the destination.

Am I doing it right?

Life is challenging. Anyone who says it isn’t is being well taken care of and has NO responsibility or accountability. (Deep exhale). Ok…I’ve gotten that out of the way. I wonder sometimes if I’m doing life correctly. More specifically, am I a good dad? Pictured above are my three kids. (It’s throwback thursday, so I thought a 3 year old picture was throwback enough). I’m a divorced, single dad who feels inadequate.

People tell me from time to time that I’m a good dad. I think people say this because I manage to get them to the activities they are involved in as well as church and other things and they are fed and clothed and make it back to school the next day mostly unscathed. (All children get scathed from time to time. It’s virtually impossible for them not to). Scathing is a whole other topic and should be addressed sometime in the future. (Shakes head and clears brain to focus on topic at hand). Ok…so people think I am a good dad because I keep a schedule and the kids are still alive. Success!

Is that enough though? This brings us back to inadequacy. I’ve dealt with the feelings for most of my life. I feel like I’ve lucked my way through it by being at the right place at the right time. I would consider myself fortunate at my station in life and comfortable. That is, except in my parenting skill department. I’m a little bit of a control freak, and lazy to boot. I like to control my circumstances and I don’t like to clean, except I don’t like a filthy house. (Your definition of filthy may differ from mine, but we can argue about that later). Kids are hard to control and they’re getting older, so I need to start letting (making) them do things to help. That’s a challenge for me.

On top of that, I’m expected to teach them and mentor them and help them grow to be responsible adults who contribute to the good of all mankind. (That seems like a rather tall order, but I think that’s the standard definition of parenting). It all makes me feel a little inadequate. Having a judg-y mom and father in law (cause really, what do you call the grandfather of your children who happens to be the ex’s dad?)  who don’t think I’m quite doing it as I should makes those feelings magnify exponentially.

I think though, I’m doing ok. This morning I woke up, checked twitter and was directed to the link of Emma Stone lip-synching to DJ Khaled. I did what any self respecting, responsible parent would do. I woke up my oldest boy, found the video on youtube and chromecasted so we could watch it together. (Is chromecasted the proper verb form?). In turn, after he was properly entertained, he shared with me America’s Got Talent’s Nick Cannon pranking the judges as a mime contestant. We shared that five minutes. I don’t think I particularly taught him a valuable life lesson or anything. I did however share time with him. I really think that’s what right parenting looks like. I won’t be there for every moment of his life, but I need to be there for enough that he knows I love him and his brother and sister. I want him to feel safe in that knowledge.

I am inadequate. We all are. Who’s bright idea was it that we were supposed to raise our own children? I make mistakes, I fail and I teach my kids my bad habits. Overall though, I think I’m doing it right. That’s enough for me.

 

We need to live in a child’s world.

Maya Angelou has passed.

I’m not able to quote any of her poetry, but I remember the soothing lilt of her voice. I wrote elsewhere in response that our voice needs voices that rise above the noise of a chaotic world. We lost one of those voices.  I believe it’s true. There are few distinctive voices that sooth and encourage simultaneously in today’s world. Three voices come to mind for me. James Earl Jones, Morgan Freeman and Maya Angelou. I think the commonality for them is that they use their voices to tell stories.

Our society is losing it’s storytellers. We’ve lost the ability to share our experiences in all but a shrill, piercing voice. We feel like it has to be that way if we want to be heard. I’m sometimes the same way. I tell my stories with passion and excitement and volume because I feel that’s the way to be heard. Sadly, experience has taught me nothing. If I want my children to listen, I don’t need to shout and yell, I need to get on their level and speak softly.

I feel like that’s kind of the way of a storyteller. They get on our level and speak softly. They draw you in, trying to get you to hear. As you get more involved, the intensity grows until it reaches the climax and then gently lets you back down to the end. That’s something we’ve lost in a society saturated with visuals and background soundtracks. In a world of big budget action and overwhelming emotional scenes. We’ve forgotten the simple pleasure of sitting around a great storyteller and allowing them to let us into their world. We’re in danger of losing the imaginative spark of storytelling.

I’ve sat down with each of my children as they’ve learned to read. I’ve  watched the wonder in their eyes as they learned first how to listen to a story, asking questions and then began to read them to me. This is why we need to live in a child’s world. We need to regain that ability to listen to the stories of others. After we’ve heard the stories of others, then we can share our own. I hope today, you’ll take the time to enter into the child’s world. Listen to a storyteller, then find your voice and tell yours.

Why the picture? I’d like you to use it as a springboard to a story.