Can’t we just stay here?

Today is my last full day on vacation. It’s been a good one, other than yesterday’s vertigo spell. Proud day though as my kids learn to overcome fears and challenges. I’ll just let you see them overcoming fears today
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No Man’s land?

Today started off a little rough. Dealt with a bit of my vertigo and unfortunately no meds to help. I was able to sleep and take care of most of it and allergy meds work too. Kids had fun at the watermark with their aunt though.

This evening, I decided it was time to go and take some pics of the kids by some dunes. It was a nice, fairly deserted spot and I thought a good place for pics. It was and I got some good ones. What made me a little sad though was how much trash was on the beach.

Why can’t people go somewhere, enjoy nature and clean up after themselves. The above picture shows a little of what I’m saying. It was such a pretty part of the beach, marred by the human ‘touch’.

Even with the human touch I got some good pics and I’ll leave you with those:

Relentless pounding

Today started out slow. It was raining, always fun for beach going activities. Red flag warnings kept us at the pool for part of the day. I got a nice photo out of the rainy day though.

We headed out and enjoyed a nice dinner with family. After dinner, we had plans to go to a local attraction that had an event we’d only get to see tonight. Unfortunately, because of today’s rain, the tour was canceled and a planned opportunity missed. That led us back to the beach as the riptide warning was allowed to expire.

Here’s a picture of the kids in the surf.

This observation of the kids led me to some parenting insights.

1. Sometimes, they will enter dangerous situations without me right next to them to protect them.

2. They may remain close to one another, but each child is unique and their own person.

3. The pressures that come at them are relentless and can knock them down.

4. Finally, if I’ve taught them well, they can face the pressure with humor and strength.

I don’t know what kind of dad I’ve been since their mom left me, but I hope I’ve done a good job. I love them all and want them to succeed. I know that their success is largely going to depend on their choices and will. I believe they can do it. I just hope I can let them.

No wonder I’m tired after vacation!

So…I think I finally figured out why vacations wear me out. When I go to work, I’m in an office by myself. I work in relative quiet with the occasional background music on. When I get home, I’m running kids here and there and then to bed to start all over again.

Vacation is different. I’m trapped in a new place surrounded by people who expect to be entertained. We are at the beach and that’s not enough. We need entertainment. My youngest is easy. He loves water. A couple hours at the beach and then a couple hours at the pool and he’s good and now asleep. My daughter, like most teens/ pre-teens, completely unsocial and content to state at the screen.

My oldest boy though. He requires constant entertainment. He’s not content to just sit around and relax after a few hours in the sun. I’m a red-headed introvert. I need some quiet, shaded quiet time or I become a not happy dad. Thank goodness for grandparents!

Maybe tomorrow I can rest on my vacation. If not…maybe I can at least vent a funny story. We’ll see…

Am I doing it right?

Life is challenging. Anyone who says it isn’t is being well taken care of and has NO responsibility or accountability. (Deep exhale). Ok…I’ve gotten that out of the way. I wonder sometimes if I’m doing life correctly. More specifically, am I a good dad? Pictured above are my three kids. (It’s throwback thursday, so I thought a 3 year old picture was throwback enough). I’m a divorced, single dad who feels inadequate.

People tell me from time to time that I’m a good dad. I think people say this because I manage to get them to the activities they are involved in as well as church and other things and they are fed and clothed and make it back to school the next day mostly unscathed. (All children get scathed from time to time. It’s virtually impossible for them not to). Scathing is a whole other topic and should be addressed sometime in the future. (Shakes head and clears brain to focus on topic at hand). Ok…so people think I am a good dad because I keep a schedule and the kids are still alive. Success!

Is that enough though? This brings us back to inadequacy. I’ve dealt with the feelings for most of my life. I feel like I’ve lucked my way through it by being at the right place at the right time. I would consider myself fortunate at my station in life and comfortable. That is, except in my parenting skill department. I’m a little bit of a control freak, and lazy to boot. I like to control my circumstances and I don’t like to clean, except I don’t like a filthy house. (Your definition of filthy may differ from mine, but we can argue about that later). Kids are hard to control and they’re getting older, so I need to start letting (making) them do things to help. That’s a challenge for me.

On top of that, I’m expected to teach them and mentor them and help them grow to be responsible adults who contribute to the good of all mankind. (That seems like a rather tall order, but I think that’s the standard definition of parenting). It all makes me feel a little inadequate. Having a judg-y mom and father in law (cause really, what do you call the grandfather of your children who happens to be the ex’s dad?)  who don’t think I’m quite doing it as I should makes those feelings magnify exponentially.

I think though, I’m doing ok. This morning I woke up, checked twitter and was directed to the link of Emma Stone lip-synching to DJ Khaled. I did what any self respecting, responsible parent would do. I woke up my oldest boy, found the video on youtube and chromecasted so we could watch it together. (Is chromecasted the proper verb form?). In turn, after he was properly entertained, he shared with me America’s Got Talent’s Nick Cannon pranking the judges as a mime contestant. We shared that five minutes. I don’t think I particularly taught him a valuable life lesson or anything. I did however share time with him. I really think that’s what right parenting looks like. I won’t be there for every moment of his life, but I need to be there for enough that he knows I love him and his brother and sister. I want him to feel safe in that knowledge.

I am inadequate. We all are. Who’s bright idea was it that we were supposed to raise our own children? I make mistakes, I fail and I teach my kids my bad habits. Overall though, I think I’m doing it right. That’s enough for me.